Master of All Masters

A girl wishes to find work, so she goes to the marketplace, where she meets a strange old man who is willing to hire her to work in his home.

When they arrive at his home, the master tells her that he has special names for his things that she must use at all times.

"What will you call me?" he asks her.

"Master or Mister, or whatever you please, sir," replies the girl, politely.

"No!" he bellows. "You must call me Master of All Masters."

Then, he points to his bed, asking, "And what would you call that?"

"Bed or cot, or whatever you please, sir," says the girl, still trying to be polite.

"No!" says the old man. "It is my barnacle!"

"And these?" he asks, pointing to his trousers. "What would you call these?"

"Trousers or breeches, or whatever you please, sir," says the girl, meekly.

"No!" says the old man. "They are my Squibs and Crackers!"

Picking up his cat, he asks, "And what would you call her?"

"Cat or kitten," she offers, "or whatever you please, sir."

"No!" he says. "She is called White-Faced Simini!"

He walks over to the fireplace and points into it. "What is that?"

She looks at the fire, hoping to think of an unusual name, but nothing comes to her. "Fire? Or Flame?" she suggests, "or whatever you please, sir."

"No!" says the old man, with some disdain. "It is Hot Cocolorum!"

"And this?" he asks, pointing at the pitcher of water. "What would you call this?"

The girl's head is swimming. "Water, or wet, or whatever you please, sir," she murmurs.

"No!" he cries. "You must call it Pondolorum!"

"All right," he says, spreading his arms wide to indicate the whole house. "What would you call all of this?"

She sighs, "House? Or Cottage? Or whatever you please, sir?"

"No!" he snarls. "You must call it High Topper Mountain!"

Later that night, the girl rapped on her master's door in alarm, and called through the door as fast as she could,

"Master of All Masters, please get out of your Barnacle and put on your Squibs and Crackers because White-Faced Simini has got a spark of Hot Cocolorum on her tail and is running all about, and if you don't bring some Pondolorum, all of High Topper Mountain will be on Hot Cocolorum!"

Welcome to the Stories Page!

There are many stories out there. I love to hear them, to read them, and to write them. I also like to watch them on stage or screen.

I recently was able to obtain some old recordings of Danny Kaye telling folk tales of other lands. My sister and I wore out this record when we were young. One of my favorites was from Scotland called Master of All Masters.

Go ahead and read it now. It's not long!

Whew! It's fun to try to say that last part as fast as you can!

How about you? What kinds of stories do you like best? Who is your favorite author right now? Do you read what your friends read, or do you try to find something nobody else knows about yet?

sitemap